Can You Keep A Secret? I'll Be Part Of Israel's Prime-Ministers-In-Rotation
Yair Lapid and Naftali Bennett plan a unique coalition, pledged to continue the recent tradition of dysfunctional national leadership.
A flag for every prime minister: Knesset staff ready for at least 8 new leaders.
It is with a sense of deep humility that I inform you, dear readers, that I have been tapped to help lead the government of Israel as one of several prime ministers-in-rotation in the coming days. In fact, even as you read this, I am expecting a confirmation call from Jerusalem.
But please keep this exciting news between us for now. You know how quickly things can change over there.
If you’ve been following the minute-to-minute developments in Jerusalem, you know that as the deadline nears for Yair Lapid, the leader of the centrist Yesh Atid party, to form a government by midnight June 2, he has graciously offered Naftali Bennett, leader of the right-wing Yamina party, to not only join his coalition but serve as prime minister for two years. Lapid would then succeed him in rotation.
(Not bad for Bennett to go from heading a party with a handful of Knesset seats to the top spot in the government.)
What is not known is that Lapid and Bennett, keen on expanding the rotation concept, have invited me to have a whirl as PM during the fourth year of the administration, which they’re calling The Lightning Round.
Of course, it’s virtually unheard of for any Israeli administration to last the full four years. But crazier things have happened in Israeli politics. And if it does work out, I figure I could become a respected world leader – or at least get a column out of my experience heading the Jewish State.
Originally, Lapid and Bennett planned to placate the growing number of their angry political opponents by inviting them to take turns serving as prime minister for a week each during The Lightning Round. Then, going a step further, Lapid and Bennett decided to add celebrities, wealthy donors and members of minority groups as well as a random sampling of citizens, from Egged bus drivers (who, after all, determine Israel’s borders) to free-lance mohelim. Each in turn would sit in the Office of the Prime Minister and continue the tradition of dysfunctional leadership evident in recent years.
“We are committed to no passage of the budget, no let-up in civil acrimony, no improvement in Israel’s image around the world,” Bennett said with pride.
“We decided to tweak our slogan of ‘the change’ coalition to ‘the small change coalition,’” Lapid added, insisting that he and Bennett are firmly committed to consensus, given that they will be presiding over political leaders from the left, right and center who can’t even agree to sit in the same room.
“No problem,” Bennett said. “We’ll take away the chairs.”
“Our goal is to avoid controversy over issues like the Palestinians, the settlements, Iran, the religious-secular gap or the economy,” Bennett and Lapid told their new coalition partners. “What we all have in common is a deep love of country and a deeper aversion to Bibi. Our pledge is simply to keep the sky from falling and, to paraphrase FDR, provide a falafel in every pot.”
I learned of this brilliant and unique Start-Up-Administration idea when I received a late-night call from Lapid and Bennett last week inviting my participation.
They said they were concerned about a distancing of American Jews from Israel of late, and thought it would be a good idea to bring an American onboard for a stint as PM. Lapid, a former TV commentator, liked the fact that I’m a journalist, and Bennett seemed pleased to learn that he and I had both lived in Teaneck, NJ. (He didn’t seem to realize that virtually every American Jew has lived in Teaneck at some point.)
Over the next five minutes, I was thoroughly vetted, establishing my qualifications as someone who has read Exodus (the original and the Leon Uris novel), knows most of the words of Hatikvah and, if pressed into action, can dance the hora (if I don’t have to lift anyone in a chair).
Bennett and Lapid gave me the ok, and promised to be in touch. When I asked if they needed my cell number, they warned me: “Remember, that phrase takes on new meaning when asked of Israeli politicians.”
Meanwhile, as I’m waiting to make my mark on the future of Israel, I’m thinking of Theodor Herzl, the founder of Modern Zionism.
“If I will it,” I tell myself, “it is no dream. It’s a nightmare.”
I’m laughing through my tears! 😂😢