Attention, Democrats: 'Resistance' And 'Grieving' Aren't The Way To Go

A Kamala supporter calls for self-reflection and, gulp, listening to the other side.

A nation divided: Is the future about one party dominating over the other, or is there a chance for crossing the aisle?

Dear Reader,

So much has been said and written about the presidential election, and what the results mean about the future of our country. Yet I found this essay by Gary Wexler, a legend in American advertising, to be forward-looking – some would say naive – in its effort to re-focus the sentiments of half the country that has experienced some combination of shock, anger, hopelessness and fear. He is urging Democrats to engage and better understand the other half of America. 

Is it worth the effort? Will each group find willing partners on the other side? Wexler believes we’ll never know unless we try. 

What do you think?

I welcome your comments in response to this piece, and encourage others who want to submit a Guest Column to this space, on any relevant topic, to contact me.

B’shalom,

Gary

‘Ask Ourselves A Million Hard Questions’

GARY WEXLER

It’s Nov. 6, the day after the election. 

10:28 am: I receive an email from MoveOn.org, where I was once a donor before they became so blatantly anti-Israel. “MoveOn resisted Trump’s agenda at every turn during his first presidency and we are prepared to do it again.” 

1:07 pm: I receive an email from my very liberal synagogue’s rabbi, whose opinions and sentiments I don’t always agree with. “Join us tonight as we gather to grieve, sing, pray and process this moment.” (A political shiva?)

I think: Maybe, just maybe, they’ve got this all wrong. 

I listened to Kamala’s impressive concession speech. I wish all her speeches had been that passionate and forthright. But when she advocated that we keep fighting against the opposition, maybe she too was wrong. 

I voted for her, although without much passion. It would be more accurate to say I was voting against Trump, who I passionately didn’t support. My sentiments against him were stronger than my doubts about her. But now that he’s won, what course should we Democrats take? Certainly not the course we’ve been on.

Not the course of “resistance again.” Not the course of “grieving.” We’ve done all that before, and it has yielded very little for a better America, or a better Democratic Party. To follow this failed course, and stay within the boxes we drew last year, four years ago, 10 years ago— ramping them up, strengthening them— is foolhardy. The proof is all around us. 

What do we do? 

For starters, get out of our echo chambers that make us feel so good, justified and connected to our political peers. Dare to leave our comfort zones. Think in ways we never would consider before. Creatively. Strategically. Challenge our liberal leaders and influencers to think differently. Stop demonizing those who don’t agree with us. Stop thinking they are all crazy. Find some respect for them. Ask ourselves a million hard questions. 

Among them: How do we partner with this new administration? How do we collaborate with those with whom we don’t agree? How do we work across the aisle for the good of this country? How do we extend a hand to people, delirious in victory, who have no intention right now of partnering with the other side? 

This is why I smell trouble.

Because so far, I’m seeing a lot more finger-pointing than self-reflection. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with us?” my Democratic peers seem to be asking, “What’s wrong with America?”

Instead of asking why our policies were so unpopular, my Democratic peers are hiding behind the “it’s happening all around the world” excuse.

Instead of asking why the other side managed to build such a large, multi-ethnic coalition, some of my Democratic peers are accusing Black and Latino male voters who voted for Trump of being anti-women. 

Last week, Los Angeles Times columnist LZ Granderson blamed Kamala’s loss on the voting patterns of white women. Rather than blaming strategies and policies, everyone seems to be blaming everyone. It’s a circular firing squad par excellence.

But shifting the blame won’t cut it. Our starting point must be to listen to those who didn’t vote for us.

I learned this in the advertising business. When we created campaigns, they were not only targeted at current buyers, justifying and strengthening their decision to continue buying the client’s product. We also needed to raise our antenna toward the buyers who were loyal to the competition. We needed to get out and meet them, hear them, catch their non-verbal signals, hear what was between the lines or even not being said. We needed to understand them, finding ways to create a relationship with them. 

Now we the Democrats are not listening, or meeting. We are dismissing. We’re not interested in creating relationships with them. And they are not interested in creating relationships with us.  But that shouldn’t stop us. We need to find partners on the other side, willing to work with us and break this down. 

There is an extraordinary irony here. Liberals, especially in the Jewish world, are the ones right now talking ceasefire, peace, dialogue. Why are the ones who so strongly believe in this approach for Israel and its enemies, not also taking this approach between American Democrats and Republicans? Why are they fighting so hard against one another in this country, ginning up a political and culture war, rather than leading the way to find compromise, commonality and collaboration between all of us?

“But,” many people will cry, “the other side has no intention of compromise.” No one says this is going to be easy. Do we give up and crawl back into our comfort zones?

I have a very close friend, Dr. Ernie Katz, a well-known psychologist in Los Angeles. A son of Holocaust survivors. A Modern Orthodox guy. We’ve been friends since college. He signed the ketuba at my wedding 50 years ago. He voted for Trump. From his life experience, he has his reasons. Most of my Chabad friends voted for Trump. They have their reasons. Most of my Persian-Jewish friends voted for Trump. Their families had to flee a threatening antisemitic regime. They have their reasons. One of my sons-in-law, Camilo, a Nicaraguan Jew, voted for Trump. He grew up in a revolution. He has his reasons. The guy who built my deck — born in the U.S., the son of Salvadoran refugees who fled the Mara Salvatrucha gang — voted for Trump. He has his reasons. 

I have my reasons for why I voted the other way. We talk to one another.  None of these people are crazy, mean, or ill-intentioned human beings. They think differently than me about politics, about America, and about who best protects them, particularly those concerned about Jewish life here and in Israel. Should I be ending these relationships, because we have different opinions about an American election? 

I’m curious by nature. I find differences between people fascinating. As Kamala kept saying, we have more in common than what sets us apart.  She stated over and over that she loves this country and believes in America. Now all the pundits are asking what her new job might be. Maybe it should be the job of every losing presidential candidate, with an understanding and expectation that this is what they do next — help bring America together. Not that Trump would have ever considered doing this. But that spirit is one of the reasons why I did not vote for him.

Now, let’s swing this around to the Jewish world, where we have created so many divisions. We talk about the Jewish People, and yet we exclude so many of those people. We love each other. We hate one another. We feel for each other. We demonize each other. We are a tangle of nuances and complexities. Many people say we have always been divided like this and there is no chance for unity. Do we like it this way? Should we just leave it like it is? Or do we try to talk to one another, hear each other, work to understand? No one said it’s going to be easy. 

Wouldn’t that be the breakthrough? 

And if we made that breakthrough between us, the Jews of this country, imagine the experience we could bring to America. We would learn so much about how to do this, that we could be sharing this knowledge all over the US, spreading it to communities and locales everywhere.  It would give us an important role in this society. We’d be fulfilling our role as a “light unto the nations.” Talk about performing Tikkun Olam. 

Isn’t this what we Jews should be doing, rather than “resisting the agenda,” rather than “grieving” and sitting political shiva?  No one died. Aren’t we the People who Moses instructed to “choose life”?

Gary Wexler is the founder of the Global Jewish Communication Alliance, which formed when over 500 communication professionals in the U.S., Canada, the UK and South Africa, responded to articles he wrote after October 7, 2023. This piece first appeared in The Jewish Journal of Los Angeles.